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The Wardrobe Shrink™

Margaret Cho (the comedian) “came out” on The View yesterday (July 9th) as “beautiful”.  She said that she suddenly had a moment of clarity a few months ago, and after reflecting on her self-esteem and self-image, decided she was beautiful!  After ‘feeling’ fat and unattractive all her life, she realised she didn’t want to think that way anymore after putting herself through anorexia and bulimia, and realised she didn’t have to perceive herself that way and could decide for herself what she is. As people often question her sexuality, she decided to “come out” as beautiful.

Like Margaret Cho, do you look in the mirror and think you are the 'fairest of them all'?

The beauty industry today is worth over $45 billion to $66 billion worldwide. We spend a lot of money pampering ourselves, but does it really make us feel beautiful?  The old adage 'beauty is only skin deep' is very true; however beautiful you may look on the outside, it is really about how beautiful you feel on the inside. If you don't feel beautiful on the inside, then beauty advice and treatments will feel like a quick fix; ultimately you still think the same way about yourself.

Everyone is beautiful, including you! When I tell my clients that,  they feel...uncomfortable, sometimes they think I am just being positive and motivational. In British culture (I am a Brit), it is common to be modest and even self-deprecating or invalidating.  But, the truth is, we are all beautiful, and you are not the exception. 

We all have our own aesthetic, with individual unique qualities. The problem though is that often, unconsciously, we mute or tone down our natural aesthetic, and then our natural beauty is diminished. We then opt for beauty treatments hoping it will change or affect us in some way, but too often that can take us more out-of-focus.

What we have to learn to do is develop our own inner beauty, so that our natural beauty shines through. How? By knowing ourselves.  As Epictitus said “Know thyself, then adorn yourself accordingly.”

Your unique aesthetic is your greatest asset. It is what makes you glow, and thankfully, it already is yours to adorn. There is nothing you have to do to get it!  Your aesthetic -  your colour, light, form and affect - unite to reflect a clear and intended picture that exists for a specific purpose. Whether it's your long legs, your freckles, your soft stomach, your strong shoulders, or your intellect, your creativity, your diplomacy, or your nurturing spirit or your authoritarian ways, all elements of yourself tell a story about your core nature. When this picture is distorted or out-of-focus you can feel unhealthy, unattractive, and unfulfilled. When the picture is in-focus and sharp you feel like everything is effortless, life flows more easily, and you feel 'switched on'. One of the most revered prophets said “the kingdom of heaven is within”, and that is exactly where your true beauty resides.

My job is to identify your aesthetic, so that you can see for yourself your beauty. Take a look in the mirror for a moment and see if you can identify your aesthetic. It can be hard to be subjective, as your own language and beliefs about yourself can act as 'blinkers' to distort your vision. So try to be objective for a moment, and imagine yourself as an 'onlooker', and write down literally what you see. Avoid using words that are judgements, but instead write down the fact so of your colour, form, light and presence.  Once you have some descriptions, then start to consider what they may mean. Curly hair I believe signifies creativity, clear sharp eyes signifies clear thought, translucent skin signifies a purity, curvaceousness signifies a strong femininity, red hair signifies passion, freckles a sense of humour. Start to build a picture of who you are, and to focus on these qualities to bring them to the forefront. These then become your mantras for your inner beauty. If you let your aesthetic shine, then your inner beauty comes alive.

Ancient cultures would honour these inner qualities. Adorning one’s self was seen as a ritual and a way of honouring your own femininity or masculinity, or the God or Goddess within.  Anointing with a particular scent was a way of invoking your qualities, and colour was seen as a way of harmonising your inner nature and bringing it alive.

Unfortunately, modern society mostly focuses on externals, like the latest mode which can often introduce a different 'element' that may be far removed from your own. You end up appraising another God - Nike, Gucci, etc.  You can carry a Louis Vuitton handbag, wear Gucci clothing, use Nars polished make-up but still not feel beautiful! They have nothing to do with you.

We have forgotten to worship ourselves first and foremost. There is a lot to the saying “you can only be loved by others, if you love yourself”. This makes a lot of sense to me, in that your own inner self-esteem reflects on how others treat you and respect you.  And, if you disregard yourself and don’t treat yourself like you have great worth, then you can become self-destructive.  Our culture supports a lot of self-destructive as our Gods and Goddess’s become external to us - the celebrity, the designer label - and in extremes, leads to health disorders.

The beauty industry should be used as a tool for expressing your beauty, rather than as a way of defining your beauty. If you are focusing too much on fads, what others are wearing and what the brands are offering, you will dilute your natural inherent beauty. Your beauty is inside of you and not outside of you. Your natural beauty already exists, it is just a matter of realising it.

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